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Living With an Alcoholic

By: Sam Harrington-Lowe - Updated: 5 Oct 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Living With An Alcoholic Children Of

Living with an alcoholic is generally a rollercoaster of a ride. It’s hard for those around the drinker to understand that actually they can’t help themselves and usually family will find themselves affected deeply. It is a family disease, in as much as it affects the whole household. When things are good and the drinking is under control, then everyone is happy. But when alcohol takes over again, chaos and disorder reign.

Unpredictable Behaviour

It depends on who is the one with the problem as to how unpredictable behaviour will affect those around them, but the alcoholic can never be relied upon to behave in a proper fashion. Alcoholic parents obviously have a far reaching effect on children, causing chaos in the house. In a house where alcohol abuse is prevalent, there will be arguments and abuse, whether it’s physical or mental. The alcoholic will be drunk a lot of the time, very often aggressive or emotional. It’s a home filled with turmoil and confusion. Nobody knows from one day to the next what is going to happen.

Children

Children often blame themselves when they have alcoholic parents, thinking that it’s their fault that mum or dad drinks too much. They will often over-compensate for this by trying to help or plead with the drinker to stop. It can destroy childhoods and cause huge problems in later life, as they will grow up feeling unhappy and just spending most of their time wishing desperately that mum or dad was just a normal, loving parent instead of this crazy, drunken person who can be lovely one minute, filled with rage and violence the next. Alcoholic homes also have a very high incidence of physical and sexual abuse.

Partners

The husband or wife of an alcoholic will find life very difficult. Alcoholics are unreliable, often going missing through drunkenness, failing to turn up when they are supposed to, or turning up really drunk and defensive. Social occasions are a minefield, with the sober partner often having to apologise for behaviour, or even remove the person from a situation because they are out of control.

Domestic violence is a very common occurrence in relationships where alcohol is a problem, and arguments will happen often. Alcohol removes self control, and this leads to unacceptable behaviour and often aggression. Home life will be chaotic, with normal daily patterns such as eating dinner, keeping the house tidy and clean, having friends round or even paying bills completely disrupted and it’s completely normal for the partner of an alcoholic to find themselves supporting the drinker in every way. They will feel almost like they’re looking after a wayward child as the alcoholic cares little about what’s going on around them.

Lies and Deception

A real feature of alcoholism is deception. Lying about the quantity they have drunk, lying about where they have been, lying about giving up – these are all extremely common elements in an alcoholic relationship. It’s another extremely destructive pattern, as the person close to the alcoholic will often plead with them to stop, even try to help. It’s not going to work, the only person who can effect that decision is the alcoholic, and until that point it’s often usual for them to pretend they’re giving up or cutting down. But don’t be fooled, just when you think they have been sober for a couple of days, you’ll open a cupboard and find empties hidden away.

Remorse

Finally there is remorse to deal with. The alcoholic inevitably has to sleep and will very often wake up feeling perfectly dreadful. This is aside from any physical symptoms from the alcohol abuse itself, they will often feel awful about what they have done the day before, swear to get clean, apologise profusely to those they have hurt around them, and quite possibly mean every word of it. And hope fills the house. But the booze will take hold again and before long things are back on that rollercoaster.

The Recovering Alcoholic

Living with the recovering alcoholic has its challenges too, so be aware of that. That person will never stop being an alcoholic, however long they are sober. And relapses are common. That’s not to say it’s hopeless, there are many, many alcoholics who have taken control successfully, but it’s a continual process to stay on top of the disease and any partner or family of a recovering alcoholic must also be aware of that.

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Help I have been with my partner on and off for 17 years he is a lot older than me by 20 years We finally settle down 7 years ago he has always been a drinker but also holds down a full time job We have 4 children too 12 months ago the drinking became more and more only in the evening during the week maybe 2 bottles of wine but come the weekend he would start at lunch time all the way through Things got that bad I asked him so many times to cut it down enough was enough and I asked him to leave the house which he did 1 month later swore he would cut it down and did really well for 3 months Then it built up again but this time was hiding it all Over the house I confronted him he blamed many factors and left again this time for 2 months slept with many women and spent two months drininkg but still holding down his full time job as a truck driver He then got in touch and said he thought he needed help would I help him We made an appointment at the docs who said he didn’t have a problem but needed to change his lifestyle which he agreed on he had tests but I don’t no the results of these as he went alone for the results He moved back in and now 4 months on he is back to hiding it in the house and drinking again I have already told him if I find anything he will be gone and this was the last time !!!! What am I going to do I can’t work out if it’s a problem is it me thinking it is as i don’t drink Not sure where to turn to or who to talk to he does not no I have found anything yet
Kity2006 - 5-Oct-17 @ 1:19 PM
Wifey - Your Question:
Hiya, I have been married to my husband for 14 years, we have 2 children. Over last few years his drinking has increasingly gotten worse to the point where the family felt unsafe and I have had to ask my brother to intervene and ask him to leave the family home.he text me the next morning to say that he was an alcoholic and he knows he needs help and asked me to help him. It's not been fair on the kids and I really don't know if I want to help him, part of me what's to just ask him to return once he is 'better'?? My children are 13 & 3. Please help me TIA x

Our Response:
Your husband has made a huge step in admitting that he has a problem. It's the first, necessary step in actually finding a way to recovery. You've been together 14 years (for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health etc) he's asking you for help. It has to be your decision to give him the help he's asking for, we can't tell you whether or not you should do that, but to ask him to come back when he's "better" will not help his recovery, and there's also the chance he will decide not to return at all.
AlcoholIssues - 15-Aug-17 @ 12:55 PM
Hiya, I have been married to my husband for 14 years, we have 2 children. Over last few years his drinking has increasingly gotten worse to the point where the family felt unsafe and I have had to ask my brother to intervene and ask him to leave the family home.he text me the next morning to say that he was an alcoholic and he knows he needs help and asked me to help him. It's not been fair on the kids and I really don't know if I want to help him, part of me what's to just ask him to return once he is 'better'?? My children are 13 & 3. Please help me TIA x
Wifey - 13-Aug-17 @ 2:29 PM
My boyfriend has always been a drinker but recently more out of control. He drinks most nights and can never just have one pint, it's has to be 10+. He is drink driving regularly and I am scared not only for his safety but everyone else's. He has also just gotten back from hospital after alcohol poisoning. What can I do? He said it was a one time thing, making jokes and straight back on the drink again. He's refused all help and counselling offered to him in hopsputal and I'm at my wits end. Should I get rid of all the alcohol In The house? It seem fruitless and he'll just buy more. I don't know what do, he's refusing help from everyone and can't see the seriousness of the situation.
Racquel - 1-Aug-17 @ 2:56 PM
My partner starts drinking at 3pm and drinks heavily every night, most nights getting home 10-11 other nights not till 2/3 with no explanation of where he goes or who he's with He used to have Wednesday nights Off but now drinks then. We have only seen a doctor because he was cut out of his parents will. I worry for his health, he blames it on events 6 years ago but wont get therapy, his parents are unsupportive and call it a life style choice and refuse to offer help.He tried to talk to them and they were abusive the never cuddle him or show love in a physical way, but they do love him in there own way,as they have supported him financially for many years,his dad and mum are both heavy drinkers, but only drink at home, they have even said if he was drinking at home it wouldn't be a problem. I'm trying to support him but it's clear that the family don't like the supportive approach and said that the plan my partner, myself and the doctor made is pointless and have written him off before he's had a chance to try. If I mention him being an alcoholic they get angry and say he's not, he's just selfish and if chose to stop he could. I now think I may be pregnant by him, that's worrying me sick, as he can't look after himself.
Newport123 - 13-Jul-17 @ 12:37 AM
My partner drinks a vodka, wine & beer at least 5 days a week. He sleeps until 7pm some days and gets up and starts drinking again. It's affecting his work and relationship with me and his son. We never spend any time together as a family I hate alcohol and I refuse to spend time with him when he's drunk as he gets either nasty or keeps repeating the same thing over and over. I've tried to speak to him and get him to attend rehab but he doesn't want to go.
Jesssmk - 22-May-17 @ 11:16 PM
My mom is a alcoholic i have a 3 year old my mother is verbally and emotionally abusive towards me in front of my daughter what can i do
Daughter of an alcoh - 21-May-17 @ 1:13 PM
Mmmjn - Your Question:
My husband has always been a heavy drinker and has always binge drink. Since just before our daughter was born which was 14 months ago, he has been drinking 12-14 cans every night. He has been to the aa in the past before we met ten years ago. He says he knows he has an alcohol problem and says he's going to cut down and drink only six a day. I personally don't believe it and have had false hope broken many a time. What can I do or is it hopeless to try and get him to stop?

Our Response:
If you speak to someone from aa they will be able to advise you on how you can help him stick to this. It might be better to persuade him to attend, with a view to giving up completely.
AlcoholIssues - 17-May-17 @ 9:42 AM
My husband has always been a heavy drinker and has always binge drink. Since just before our daughter was born which was 14 months ago, he has been drinking 12-14 cans every night. He has been to the aa in the past before we met ten years ago.He says he knows he has an alcohol problem and says he's going to cut down and drink only six a day. I personally don't believe it and have had false hope broken many a time. What can I do or is it hopeless to try and get him to stop?
Mmmjn - 14-May-17 @ 8:51 AM
Aggie - Your Question:
I am looking for some advice. My sister has been a heavy drinker and shown signs of manic depression, over the years she has put me and my family through hell then we suddenly lost mum and her behavior was so bad we had to call the police. She can be very aggressive with a drink in her. The situation got so bad I relocated from where she and I both lived (not the only reason but a big part of it)! It appeared as though everything had settled down, she met a new partner and he has proposed (after 1 year). After regaining contact with her and hearing reports from family it appeared she was in a better place. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I have planned her hen and wedding on my door step through a friend's wedding venue (stupidly)! She recently visited and it became apparent she is drinking to much and became abusive to my sister. I received a msg from her best friend saying she is disowning her due to her visious behavior after drinking. My sister can be a lovely smart articulate girl but becomes a different person when drinking! If the wedding was any where else I would stay away and have nothing to do with it! I have heard her fiancée doesn't know what to do and I'm scared to speak to him incase she find out as she has taken several overdoses in the past! I also want her to be happy as she has health issues and been through a lot. She is off work on the sick at the moment which isn't helping!! The impact her behavior has had has affected my health a and currently my stomach is in Knott's. My father is elderly and I don't feel its fair to put this on him especially since he has been recently widowed and the rest of my family are concerned but don't know what to do as she is in complete denial and won't admit she Haas a problem, she lies and manipulates the truth. I am terrified at thee thought of her ruining my reputation and embarrassing me as I run a business and live in a small rural place where eveeeyone knows everyone! Any advice would be much appreciated.

Our Response:
Unfortunately, until she admits she has a problem, this will be difficult for you. Restricting the alcohol at the wedding and hen do might be one idea but talking to her and making her realise the impact of her actions could be the only way forward. Can you talk to her fiancé without her finding out? You might be able to get help from Alcoholics Anonymous despite you not being the one with the problem.
AlcoholIssues - 10-May-17 @ 11:17 AM
I am looking for some advice. My sister has been a heavy drinker and shown signs of manic depression, over the years she has put me and my family through hell then we suddenly lost mum and her behavior was so bad we had to call the police. She can be very aggressive with a drink in her. Thesituation got so bad i relocated from where she and I both lived (not the only reason but a big part of it)! It appeared as though everything had settled down, she met a new partner and he has proposed (after 1 year). After regaining contact with her and hearing reports from family it appeared she was in a better place. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I have planned her hen and wedding on my door step through a friend's wedding venue (stupidly)! She recently visited and it became apparent she is drinking to much and became abusive to my sister. I received a msg from her best friend saying she is disowning her due to her visious behavior after drinking. My sister can be a lovely smart articulate girl but becomes a different person when drinking! If the wedding was any where else I would stay away and have nothing to do with it! I have heard her fiancée doesn't know what to do andI'm scared to speak to him incase she find out as she has taken several overdoses in the past! I also want her to be happy as she has health issues and been through a lot. She is off work on the sick at the moment which isn't helping!! The impact her behavior has had has affected my health a and currently my stomach is in Knott's. My father is elderly and I don't feel its fair to put this on him especially since he has been recently widowed and the rest of my family are concerned but don't know what to do as she is in complete denial and won't admit she Haas a problem, she lies and manipulates the truth. I am terrified at thee thought of her ruining my reputation and embarrassing me as I run a business and live in a small rural place where eveeeyone knows everyone! Any advice would be much appreciated.
Aggie - 9-May-17 @ 9:00 AM
During the working week My partner drinks at least 4 cans 8% cider, 4 cans Guinness and at least one bottle of wine - often 3 - daily( I suspect he drinks vodka also ).He'll drink a can or two before work at 5 am.Weekends are a nightmare - starts drinking cider about 5am or waits till local shop opens at 6am.He drinks nothing but cider, Guinness and wine - no tea, coffee, water etc.By mid-day he is usually drunk - social occasions embarrassing - shouting at waiters - recently hit 18 year old daughter in restaurant - uses foul language when talking to children and elderly parents - insulting and inappropriate behaviour - argumentative - going home early and expecting me to go with him - holidays always all inclusive - drinks alcohol 24/7 -in debt - cannot afford food or petrol by end of month.I have given up working at 62 as his spend on alcohol and cigarettesmatched my wages - I thought he would have to cut down.Every morning promises not to buy any wine that day - every day he buys wine!!He refuses to leave home - promises to seek help but never does.Often incontinent.Gets unnecessarily angry and nasty with grandchildren.Why am I still with this man?
AJ - 13-Apr-17 @ 1:12 AM
Red - Your Question:
My husband drinks every evening as soon as he's home from work.At weekends this can start from early afternoon. He drinks till he runs out of larger or passes out. We have little to no social life together. I worry when we do go out as to how much he will drink. I feel ashamed of his behaviour, he is often defiant, argumentative, ocassionally aggressive, verbally abusive, telly me to get out.He demoralises me, tells me I'm useless, lazy.He shows little to no compassion ever, devoid of emotions at times. In the mornings - sometimes he's sorry. Sometimes he's in denial. He can be argumentative and verbally aggressive when challenged.My son and myself have a rollercoaster relationship with him. I find myself telly my son to avoid any confrontation with him for fear of arguments and verbal abuse. Threats of physical abuse.We have been together 12 years, married for 11. I am unhappy. The man I loved and married exists only about 5% of the time. I dream of a safe, secure, quiet, unchallenged life with my son.

Our Response:
Tell your husband this. It's time he realises the severity of his drinking and its impact on you and his son. If you feel unsafe and that you do not want to stay in the home environment, there will be support groups in your area to turn to.
AlcoholIssues - 5-Apr-17 @ 1:38 PM
My husband drinks every evening as soon as he's home from work. At weekends this can start from early afternoon. He drinks till he runs out of larger or passes out. We have little to no social life together. I worry when we do go out as to how much he will drink. I feel ashamed of his behaviour, he is often defiant, argumentative, ocassionally aggressive, verbally abusive, telly me to get out. He demoralises me, tells me I'm useless, lazy. He shows little to no compassion ever, devoid of emotions at times. In the mornings - sometimes he's sorry. Sometimes he's in denial. He can be argumentative and verbally aggressive when challenged. My son and myself have a rollercoaster relationship with him. I find myself telly my son to avoid any confrontation with him for fear of arguments and verbal abuse. Threats of physical abuse. We have been together 12 years, married for 11. I am unhappy. The man I loved and married exists only about 5% of the time. I dream of a safe, secure, quiet, unchallenged life with my son.
Red - 2-Apr-17 @ 8:07 AM
My partner is an alcoholic. He drinks all day every day. His dad died from it at 48 but that hasn't stopped him. He is mani one minute down the next.Unpredicable and unreliable and a liar. He's having an affair with drink and I can't compete. And I don't want to anymore. He's destroyed us.
Carla Richardson - 21-Mar-17 @ 9:32 PM
My wife refuses to get help. Her first commentto the doctor was My husband wants me to go to AA but I will never give up drinking. To the counsellor I like a drink. From my support counsellor She just enjoys to drink.It's not a pressure thing. It's a game she loves to play hiding alcohol in different places. It is becoming quite dangerous as she leavesgas rings lit, unlit and filling the kitchen with gas. Crossing the road drunk. Falling off high stools. I have reachedthe end of the road.
Henry - 10-Mar-17 @ 7:06 PM
My mom is an alcoholic and has been for years after an abusive marriage and her dad passing away She doesn't drink strong stuff but she has a lot, and has been drinking a lot ever since I can remember Me and my sister(who's now moved out) have had to deal with verbal and physical abuse for many years it all starts when she gets home from work she starts drinking straight away use to be about 3:30 now she has a new job so around 6 but when she drinks she can be happy and friendly but she gets to a point and if she goes over that point she starts becoming really nasty for example she'll make arguments out of nothing and if I say something back and it becomes a big argument sometime it leads to fighting and I know I should be the bigger person and walk away but when I've tried in the past for example by going up to my roomshe'll follow me upstairs and bring the arguments with her , I'm 14 and she calls me a sket, (I use to be bullied at school about my weight but now I'm an average size) she calls me fat and she brings my dad into the equation saying I'm my dads daughter and stuff (me and my sister have different dads- abusive marriage was with my sisters dad but she's not with my dad anymore either) and I've even tried taking her drink away but she'll just drive up to the shop and buy some more and to be frank I'm sick of it i don't think she understands how much her drink interferes with me, my school life and my feelings and I can't deal with it anymore sometimes I have to go and stay at my nans house just to get away from her but either way it still ends up being my fault and I don't know what to do me and my sister have both asked her to quit over the years and shes never even tried and I just needed to get it off my mind btw for anyone who's reading this I'm really sorry it so long
Court247 - 11-Jan-17 @ 7:00 PM
Living next to a alcoholic Hi, so I need some advice. Since August 2016 I have been living next to a alcoholic. When he drinks he is volient, has very distressing mental health episodes, is a very heavy smoker (the communal hallway smells, his bedroom backs on to mine and it has started to come through the wall), plays very loud music, and has recently been arrested for class a drugs, rape and something else. From what I know he has come from DENS and has 2/3 friends that seem to like slamming the doors and staying over. I have tried to be a good neighbour, I've offered him as much support as I can, I've even called druglink out for him when he was in a manic episode. He has been hospitalised once, the police have been round, he has been told if he has one more drink he will die, but he keeps drinking. He knocks at my door, constantly texts, well I've now had enough. So I wrote him a note to say I can no longer help, he needs professional help and needs to accept it. I have contacted the council several times, filled in the record, they have written to him, it has made very little difference. It's got to the point I have had to temp move out again (I moved out a couple of months ago, and when he went in to hospital it was lovely to get quiet and sleep). I've been in hospital from 23rd to 29th December as I've been ill, and I've been to scared to return home since, staying with relatives. It's got to a point, that I don't know what to do, im tried and simply scared in my own home. Im not sure about his court dates, but when you have listened to it happen through the walls. I've written to my councillor, and also filled in the at risk form over the weekend. To add to situation, I have autism and struggle with sensory and noise as it is, so this is a trigger making my condition worse. It is affecting me at work, as I'm so tired. I can't yet bring myself to go home. Has anyone else experienced the same, and how have you dealt with it on a daily basis? Does it get better? Thank you
Bananacake - 6-Jan-17 @ 11:47 AM
Met my husband in 2001 was loving caring man got married in 2003 drink has always been there going out weekends etc ..had our daughter in 2005 I suffered depression but he supported me ...anyway we carried on along suddenly he got caught drink driving lost licence for 18 months I asked him to curb the lager he was drinking 16 cans a day on weekends and 8 to 10 in weekdays he agreed and we plodded on no physical relationship ...I kept finding empty vodka bottles hidden I questioned him he denied he was drinking it was obvious even my little girl knew what vodka was at 5 years old as she had heard it said ...the worse time came in 2010 he was working but got sacked for being drunk ...became worse found him unconscious outside house hospitalised he promised that was it so we went to dr put him in touch with drug and mis use team put on antibuse was the best summer ever he looked well went camping felt like a family ... he stopped them and we was ok then 12 months later he was arrested for drunk in charge of car ...12 months ban ...vodka creeping bck in finding bottles again ...he became agressive towards me then apologies when sober we get on a cycle ok for few months then massive bender 5 or 6 days looses job again ..anyway fowards to march 14 my mum got taken ill cancer ...had to give up rented house to move in care for her he was drinking then days he was out of it I was doing everything caring for a sick mum looking after daughter and his son who came to live with us has aspergers he was hospitalized again in the July I thought he was a goner tbh ...so apologies again and he was ok for a bit lost my mum in the September so I m dealing with grief as well he was becoming aggressive again arguments etc outbursts bottle vodka smashed up wall I asked him to leave in the following June as couldn't live like it anymore he moved out in to acaravan 8 miles away ...he hit it hard stepson asked to come back here ...hubby begged me to come home said it would be different would get a job so he did ...back on cycle no physical relationship for years ...over last few months he has got so nasty with me saying hurtful things about my mum etc ...lost his job again in Sept couldn't understand why I was angry about it??? hitting alcohol to max at moment I have had enough but don't know how to end it ...I m am pretty much on own no family left I don't feel strong enough I used to be such a fun loving girl but I am drained now please help me
Cc76 - 9-Nov-16 @ 2:32 PM
Wellskel - Your Question:
Been with my Husband 23 years he has drink and drug problems but it's getting worse over last 6 years he has stopped for about 2 weeks then starts again. He has been to groups again only goes for a couple of weeks then pretends he is going. It started off by finding cider cans in bedroom that then changed to vodka bottles he denies it all. My children are suffering as well as myself he uses really bad language towards them if they stick up for my or tell me he has been drinking. To top it off his dad has been staying with us since Jan 2016 and he is an alcoholic too I feel myself getting lower everyday but have to paint a smile on for my children (12) and (8) they do not deserve this life. He has run up so much debt we can't sell house as we will have nothing left. I work full time and have to rely on them to collect children from school which sometimes doesn't happen. He lies all the time sneaks out and doesnt say a word. His dad is also abusive he swears at children even picked my son up by his clothes put him in hallway told him he is pissing him off and slammed door shut in his face while I was at work everything is always my fault I am a moody miserable boring b***h I can't take anymore but don't know what to do.

Our Response:
There are ways for you to get out of this situation. Your husband and his father are actually abusing you and your children although not in the conventional (physical) way you might recognise. There will be lots of support available if you know where to look. Start with your local Citizens Advice Bureau - they may be able to recommend local organisations and legal advisers for you.
AlcoholIssues - 13-Sep-16 @ 10:27 AM
Been with my Husband 23 years he has drink and drug problems but it's getting worse over last 6 years he has stopped for about 2 weeks then starts again. He has been to groups again only goes for a couple of weeks then pretends he is going. It started off by finding cider cans in bedroom that then changed to vodka bottles he denies it all. My children are suffering as well as myself he uses really bad language towards them if they stick up for my or tell me he has been drinking. To top it off his dad has been staying with us since Jan 2016 and he is an alcoholic too I feel myself getting lower everyday but have to paint a smile on for my children (12) and(8) they do not deserve this life. He has run up so much debt we can't sell house as we will have nothing left. I work full time and have to rely on them to collect children from school which sometimes doesn't happen. He lies all the time sneaks out and doesnt say a word. His dad is also abusive he swears at children even picked my son up by his clothes put him in hallway told him he is pissing him off and slammed door shut in his face while I was at work everything is always my fault I am a moody miserable boring b***h I can't take anymore but don't know what to do.
Wellskel - 11-Sep-16 @ 7:16 AM
I need help. As an adult child who has had to move back home, I am now beginning to understand that almost all the arguments I have had with my mother have been when she is drinking.I cannot leave, I lack the income to support myself, but if I stay, I fear the continued abuse directed toward me by my mother. If I confront her about her alcoholism, I fear being thrown onto the streets to fend for myself. I don't know where to turn. Please help me.
Out Of Options - 5-Aug-16 @ 9:19 PM
I have ben with my partener a year and a half.We fell in love and have done amazing things together .when we met he said he had had ptsd and had been on a project for help and counselling. Things were going great then hewas looking blurry eyed driving the boat we then had.I thought it was odd.He denied anything.Few dys later he kept reading and stopped doing basic things and I thought he smelt odd but he said it was the boat chemicals.Then he became aggressive and I found him in the oub and hiding cans of beer which hed never done before then I found empty vodka bottles in the wardrobeand confronted him he became aggressive belittled and shouted at me. Then he went off and went missing .It was then his sister told me he was alchoholic. He ran off to an ex girlfriends 200 miles away.i was in shock . He rang and said he was drunk and had run off to stop and that she got very angry and he was coming to meet me and was sorry/ I said it was very strange and he said it was a memory ptsd. Things went great for a year then he came home waivering again.I said youv been drinking denial - this carried on with him crashing the van not working letting the dog out not dealing with any responsibilities for ten days then an exciting event was happening and he sobered up to come along.Home after aweekand having had a great time he was helping at the village fete and looked glazed again.Then the next day and he went missingThen appeared again leaving the keys in the car and the car windows open.He denied drinking but a bottle rolled out from under the seat and he said I put it there. Heis usually an incredibly gentle talented man but he started shouting and tried to get out of the car while it was moving. I let him out then drove back and got him to his relatives house half way home for a cup of tea,He ran and laid in the car and fell asleep. When he woke up he peed in a hedge opposite in public then let the dog out and ran after it.He wouldn't get inor give me the dog so I drove home 12 miles and left him to walk.He lied and said he walkedand bashed on the door. I shut him out to sleep it off in the cabin .He continued three days police were called as he drove off in my car with little fuel and was 4 hours missing. he was lucky to not get seen and breathlysed.Next day off on bike to get drink. I gave him the dog to try stop him going three miles to the shop - no more booze. Then he started smoking!Then I told him I would not give him a lift and he rode off on his bike and went missing and rang ten days later saying he loved this woman who was his ex partner was 200 miles away always had still partly drunk and that I should stop ringing her when I hadn't.He had never liked this woman having had many rows beforeand we were in a lovely new house had got a dog decorated put sheds up got many shared friends and family and he ran off to hide and hasn't come home yet.I am in shock at the level of denial and escapism.He says its because I don't
sam - 12-Jul-16 @ 7:39 PM
Ive been with my fella for around 16years on and off, every break up as been alcohol related, some splits have been for up to 4years, then we hit it back off again,its like we've never been apart!! This time round he's admitted he's got a problem and that every break up weve had as been due to him, he promised to try his best and I do believe he's tried but unfortunately as failed again. I love to have a drink myself in moderation and he did agree whilst in my presence he wouldnt drink any spirits just stick to a couple of cans of lager to relax, however last weekend I walked off and left him in the local as he sneekly started hitting the Gin every time he went in the pub, which by the time i found out he had turned into a awful insultive man. The day after the apologise came and I forgave him!! Yesterday started off great, giving him little jobs to do to keep him occupied etc etc, then to the loacal for sunday dinner and a couple, minumising the cash so we could only have a couple to wash food down with and me been the cash holder as we agreed. A few things triggered the depression in him whilst we was out and he then got the taste, sneeking the cash card out and gettin cash back. This morn at 2am, he decides to walk to his place with a lager in his hand, so I knew what the day held from then on. I called to see him this afters 4 double gins and 8 cans he'd had by lunch, so breaks my heart as i love him so much n know he loves me but loves the ale more, he said he wanted to do something about it that he didnt wanna loose me again, as he suffers depression ive told him to seek doctors advice and talk to someone, all he says is hes been there n it didnt help. Since this afters hes had another 8 cans,4 double gins and spoke to me on the phone saying hes ok now and hes reached happiness, doesnt make me feel to good I can tell ya!He was never as bad as the binge drinkin is now, he blames growing up stresses of life, but we all have our probs. I love this man to the moon and back and really feel when hes sober or just steady he my soul mate, I so want the normal guy back and although hes said he will go to a A.A group, I know he wont follow it through, tomorow morning he will wake up down and depressed and start over again, its heartbreaking!!
Ronnie - 11-Jul-16 @ 9:59 PM
linds1988 - Your Question:
Been with my partner for 4 years now. He asked me to start a family with him. I knew he had a problem and his mum pre-warned me but I was so in love I couldn't see how bad it was and by the time I did see how bad it was I was already pregnant with my daughter. He promised when she was born he would stop and even got into a huge argument with his mum over it as we had to move back in with his mum while we waited for our own place. he promised it would stop and it didn't. he is such a fantastic dad but he just drinks every single evening. I've found empty cans hidden around the flat. I've even found a hidden full bottle of wine he's forgotten about. last night he drank several cans while watching footy. tonight just while watching TV he's been drinking. I have told him I don't want to be with him due to the drink in the past year and he promises he will change but doesn't. I've tried the whole simpethetic way and spoken to him about it but he sais it's his way of relaxing and his dad always took him and his sisters to the social club when they were younger and blames it on that. he can have seizures due to the alcohol, he now has a heart condition not alcohol related. he sees it's a problem for me but sais it's because my parents had alcohol issues which they did. There will be days when the foul smell of alcohol is seeping through his poures which is disgusting. He is such a fantastic dad but I don't want this life anymore and I feel trapped as I know he has suffered from depression in the past and has been suicidal and I don't think he would cope very well If I did break up with him. I actually love him so much but just can't be dealing with the alcohol. he isn't violent maybe Irational when he's been drinking and I've copped a strop over it. now I just try staying away from him once my daughter is asleep. even when we're skint he always finds money for beer. instead of the bills being paid on time he will always say we need money to live on and will have an argument with me because I want to pay the bills and will always buy beer in the evening. He can start having a couple of beers in the early afternoone sometimes. when we are out with family is the worst or when footie is on :(. he sais If I break up with him I'm taking him away from his daughter. it's the emotional side to it that kills me because I feel as though I'm a bad person for wanting him to change. Can't belive my parents had alcohol issues and then I had to fall in love with someone with the same problem :(.

Our Response:
You need to decide to do what you think is right for you and your daughter. Until your partner admits he has a problem, he is not going to do anything about recovering. We hope you find a way to resolve things.
AlcoholIssues - 30-Jun-16 @ 11:38 AM
Been with my partner for 4 years now. He asked me to start a family with him. I knew he had a problem and his mum pre-warned me but I was so in love I couldn't see how bad it was and by the time I did see how bad it was I was already pregnant with my daughter. He promised when she was born he would stop and even got into a huge argument with his mum over it as we had to move back in with his mum while we waited for our own place. he promised it would stop and it didn't. he is such a fantastic dad but he just drinks every single evening. I've found empty cans hidden around the flat. I've even found a hidden full bottle of wine he's forgotten about. last night he drank several cans while watching footy. tonight just while watching TV he's been drinking. I have told him I don't want to be with him due to the drink in the past year and he promises he will change but doesn't. I've tried the whole simpethetic way and spoken to him about it but he sais it's his way of relaxing and his dad always took him and his sisters to the social club when they were younger and blames it on that. he can have seizures due to the alcohol, he now has a heart condition not alcohol related. he sees it's a problem for me but sais it's because my parents had alcohol issues which they did. There will be days when the foul smell of alcohol is seeping through his poures which is disgusting. He is such a fantastic dad but I don't want this life anymore and I feel trapped as I know he has suffered from depression in the past and has been suicidal and I don't think he would cope very well If I did break up with him. I actually love him so much but just can't be dealing with the alcohol. he isn't violent maybe Irational when he's been drinking and I've copped a strop over it. now I just try staying away from him once my daughter is asleep. even when we're skint he always finds money for beer. instead of the bills being paid on time he will always say we need money to live on and will have an argument with me because i want to pay the bills and will always buy beer in the evening. He can start having a couple of beers in the early afternoone sometimes. when we are out with family is the worst or when footie is on :(. he sais If I break up with him I'm taking him away from his daughter. it's the emotional side to it that kills me because I feel as though I'm a bad person for wanting him to change. Can't belive my parents had alcohol issues and then I had to fall in love with someone with the same problem :(.
linds1988 - 28-Jun-16 @ 9:00 PM
I have been living with an alcoholic for 20 years and tonight it got unbearable!He confiscated my phone so I was talking to my sister via messenger. He then woke up after watching the football and accused me of taking to all and sundry. I have been accused any times of being unfaithful - I wouldn't do that!!! . I had done nothing bit talk to my family about my garden! I can't cope much more! What do I do!
Me - 27-Jun-16 @ 10:49 PM
I just need to get him out of house ..bringing me homeless drunkess ...only persons who talk to him...my rings he stole my rings to get money for drink...to blind I was...4 years....tryed doctors but waiting list is long ...scared everyday as he blame e eryone and I cant eat sleep .as I was reading...I'm same he is best fella ..but sober...I helped to don't get into jail course of alcohol behaviour many time..not worth
Trish - 20-Jun-16 @ 4:33 PM
Married for 30 yes,to an alcoholic, stayed until the children left home, then I left myself.My advice is don't waste your breath, time or anymore of your life, just leave pick up the pieces and start again. The pain goes away, it no longer takes bits of YOU on a daily basis. Best thing I ever did just wished I had done it sooner.
Jojo - 15-Jun-16 @ 4:41 PM
Scotty - Your Question:
Been married almost 32 years, since he has stopped going away (retired forces) I am on edge, he is drunk more often than not, everything is my fault. Including a recent over night stay in hospital with chest pain, as I stress him, he won't have it that alcohol is involved. He is paranoid and changes anything I say to sound evil. He makes any effort I make to say I love him to sound dirty. He pushes, threatens bruising, makes fun of me. Don't know how much more I can take. He never apologises, even when sober he still says it is all my doing. Tonight he decided to fix the hoover, he can hardly stand up, that wasn't sucking up properly. It is now in bits. Tomorrow he will say it was my fault because I asked him to look at it. I am tired crying all the time

Our Response:
This must be so difficult for you. We hope some of our readers can help with their support and experiences. You haven't mentioned whether your husband has acknowledged his alcohol problems or not? If he has, you can offer some suggestions for help, such as alcoholics anonymous, if not, you may have to take drastic measures like letting him know you're leaving because you've had enough, in order to make him realise the impact of his alcoholism.
AlcoholIssues - 6-May-16 @ 2:12 PM
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