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Support for Family and Friends of Alcoholics

By: Sam Harrington-Lowe - Updated: 6 Apr 2019 | comments*Discuss
 
Alcohol Abuse Family Alcoholism

When there is alcohol abuse in the family home it affects everyone, not just the drinker. It’s often said that alcoholism is a family disease and this is a good way of looking at it. When everything is OK, and the alcoholic is not drinking, the house is calm, happy. But when alcohol rears its head, everyone is affected.

Anyone who has had to help a drunken mate home from a pub or had a stupid argument with a partner when drunk should try to imagine what it would be like to do either or both of those things on a daily basis, and worse. Because that’s what it can be like living with alcoholism. And children are affected badly – they find it hard to understand why mum or dad behaves like this, and will often be very unhappy and confused.

Family often blame themselves for the problem too, imagining that if they did things differently things would change but it’s only the alcoholic who can make that choice to give up.

Giving Up

Once the alcoholic has made that choice – and it is a hard one – then the support of family and friends is important. But the alcoholic will receive support from many different directions.

What is important at this stage is to realise that it’s not just the alcoholic that needs help and support. The family and loved ones around that person may well be exhausted, and emotionally or even physically damaged. Just because the alcoholic has made that decision, it doesn’t mean that all the problems have disappeared.

Support Groups

For the alcohol abuser there is the AA of course, Alcoholics Anonymous. And for partners, family and friends there is also Al Anon. Al Anon is an impartial and non-religious support network for those who are close to alcoholics. Whatever stage the drinker is at, whether they have given up or still drinking, the group offers support and understanding for those who are in the supporting role.

Groups meet regularly and information on your nearest group can be found online or in the Yellow Pages. They are usually held weekly.

There is strength in solidarity and understanding, and Al Anon members share a common problem. Very often when home life is turbulent, the only people who can understand how destructive that is, are people who are going through the same or similar experiences. Sharing those experiences, and sharing coping mechanisms can really help the family and friends of those around the alcoholic.

Alateen

If you’re a teenager, even a teenager with a fairly normal home life, you can often feel like you’re from a different planet to everyone around you. So feeling like that and having to deal with the disruption caused by alcohol abuse in the home can be doubly hard. Who can you talk to? Who will understand?

Alateen is a group especially for younger members of the family with friends or relatives who are alcoholics. Just like Al Anon, groups meet to give each other support. The difference is of course that those meeting at Alateen all understand each other’s language a bit better.

Therapy During Rehab

Rehabilitation is a big part of the path for the recovering alcohol abuser, and therapy can often involve family too. Family or relationship counselling and therapy can offer a chance for everyone to express their feelings, maybe to go though feelings of anger and unhappiness together, and learn to build a future together based on understanding rather than resentment. Whether rehab is residential or not, family therapies are available and are highly recommended. If in doubt, ask your GP initially who will be able to recommend or guide you.

Support for Children

If your mum or dad is an alcoholic and life at home is turbulent, you might often feel that you are helpless, or powerless to change anything.

It’s true to say that you cannot make the person give up drinking, although it is tempting to try and plead or persuade them. But there are steps you can take to make life a bit easier

Tell someone about it – whether it’s another close family member such as an aunt or uncle, or a teacher you connect with, or even a friend’s parent. Apart from having someone to talk to about it, you may also find they can offer you a place to stay if things are bad. Whatever the outcome, it’s good to have another adult to relate to.

And try to involve yourself in your own life, giving yourself plenty to do. Join clubs, develop hobbies – having outside interests not only keeps you out of the house a bit, but will give you something else to focus on.

For children also there are phone lines that you can call, such as National Association for Children of Alcoholics (www.NACOA.org.uk) which has a freephone helpline 0800 358 3456. Many of the callers to this line are as young as six, so anyone can call. If you know a child who could use this kind of support, do pass on the number.

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Hello all. My Fiance is currently in 6 month residential rehab. We have been in a relationship for 3 years, he has always drank but as time has gone on this last 12 month he had been drinking all the time even waking up during night and having vodka or anything over 8%. I had a awful existence to the point I wouldn't let him home due to drink and wrecking our home, which is not him I think after his second medical detox and full blown relapse he became more violent when drunk. As I said he is currently a month and half in to his 6 month and doing really well......I have lots of worries and concerns. He said in a general conversation he hasn't been sober for about 5-6 year (at which time he was married his wife later left and later divorced him, he didn't want that but drink was more important) So I guess my concern is he now has me wondering if that was a way of saying our relationship has been a lie and now hes sober and on road to recovery will he leave to try and get his ex back???? I am so mixed up with my emotions as I am just starting to comet to terms with all that has happened due to his mental health and alcohol!! ANY help or opinions would be appreciated as im so confused.
Lost him??? - 6-Apr-19 @ 2:29 PM
Hello all. My Fiance is currently in 6 month residential rehab. We have been in a relationship for 3 years, he has always drank but as time has gone on this last 12 month he had been drinking all the time even waking up during night and having vodka or anything over 8%. I had a awful existence to the point I wouldn't let him home due to drink and wrecking our home, which is not him I think after his second medical detox and full blown relapse he became more violent when drunk. As I said he is currently a month and half in to his 6 month and doing really well......I have lots of worries and concerns. He said in a general conversation he hasn't been sober for about 5-6 year (at which time he was married his wife later left and later divorced him, he didn't want that but drink was more important) So I guess my concern is he now has me wondering if that was a way of saying our relationship has been a lie and now hes sober and on road to recovery will he leave to try and get his ex back???? I am so mixed up with my emotions as I am just starting to comet to terms with all that has happened due to his mental health and alcohol!! ANY help or opinions would be appreciated as im so confused.
Lost him??? - 5-Apr-19 @ 10:21 PM
My Son 30 has just admitted that he has a drink problem and I know that’s the first step of a long road but what do I do next to help him! He still lives at home with me, sadly his dad passed away and I think that’s a big part of his problem. I feel like I’ve failed him so now I just want to help him.
Spritzer - 1-Apr-19 @ 3:45 PM
My wife's been drinking from the time I meet her so this situation is probably my fault as I should of walked away at the start but fell in love with her we have 3 great kids and 3 great grand kids but her drinking is getting worse and the arguments more frequent she drinks everyday 1 to 2 bottles of wine if not wine then any alchol she can get it doesn't matter what it is and as soon as the lid comes off the bottle has to be drunk or she passes out whichever the soonest, she says it's all my fault she drinks even blames me for her father's death, I am at the end of my tether don't know what to do fell like ending it all.
Kev - 10-Nov-18 @ 10:04 PM
My partner went into rehab in dec 2016. He was doing really well in his sobriety journey until Jan this year when he fell off the band wagon and had a drinking binge that lasted for 3 weeks, contained several 1ltr bottles of neat vodka and a hospital admission. He suddenly decided enough was enough and stopped by himself and seemed to be doing ok until a few weeks ago when his mood altered and last weekend on his visit to my house I discovered an empty bottle of vodka in his bag which Id suspected for a few weeks. We dont live together and his family have very little patience for him drinking (they have dealt with it longer than I have had to). The first time he relapsed I was a mix of every single emotion going and I felt I had the energy, patience and enthusiam to deal with it and get to the other side. But this time I feel exhausted and like I just can't be bothered to deal with it. I'm half expecting to recieve 'that phone call' and it scares me to think this is where I am and I am literally leaving him to deal with it and then I feel guilty about it. I'm so disappointed by him being unable to talk to me about it, especially after everything we discussed last time. His family behave like he's a complete dirtbag and are continuallynegative which doesnt help and I sometimes feel like Im the only positive person he has around him. His Mum will openly tell him he's disgusting and that she will never forgive him. They have told him he had one chance at rehab and hes failed and so hes on his own. I have never seen anyone drink like he can and still be alive. He can down a full bottle of wine in minutes and a full bottle of vodka in not much more time and then he is desperately ill once hes had it in the speed and volume and just lies down in a dazed state. He wakes and needs more and more and more. He's not answering calls or texts and they havent seen him since this morning and he's shut himself in his room and wont respond. We live 100 miles apart and I feel like I just want to pick him up and start a fresh but I know this is his battle and I shouldnt jump in and save the situation. Its a complicated family situation where he shares a huge house with his sister with little love lost either way and it doesnt help him to think in a positive way. It is literally driving me to distraction. He's an absolute star when hes sober and not a horrible drunk either, but its so selfish and I feel like Im single every time this happens and I cant stop it hurting me. He is so negative when hes going through his relapse and it worries me how low he gets. I guess Im sharing because I need to feel normal about whats happening and how I feel about it. Do you really just leave someone like this to deal with it themselves? Suggestions and words of wisdom needed!
Dee1976 - 18-Apr-18 @ 8:26 PM
Hellomy partner of ten years is constantly drinking i dont no what to do anymore i have tried to support him best way i know how and hes constantly been sick gets aggresive wont eat i feel i have to try and force him ive already lost my mum threw alchol related symptoms im at a point i dont no what to do anymore or where to turn for supportand really need help he constantly in bedroom drinking strong cans im worried he going todrink himself over the limit he gets nasty angry spits shouts etc at times i feel so helpless can anybody suggest any way forward i cant even stay in same room as him anymore
Seek - 26-Jan-18 @ 9:14 PM
My partner drinks most night she mixes sherry with wine. Sometimes gin. Usually a bottle of sherry plus wine. She refuses to see that she alcoholic. Saying that her friends drink as much and she can have a night off. She can but it’s rare. She is still working. It affects her badly as at first she is happy then next depressed and cross. Sometimes it changes her character completely. I find it a nightmare as I have to make sure we don’t start an argument when she’s drunk as she can walk out or ask me to go. Sometimes it’s schizophrenic. She can be a great person but when she drinks I’m living with another person. I don’t know what to do as I love her, but she can’t understand why I want her to stop. She can’t acknowledge her addiction. She has had a bad abusive childhood and there are reasons for her drinking. However I’ve tried to talk to her about this and it hasn’t helped and she won’t seek help. I feel I need help.
Mazy - 20-Jan-18 @ 11:48 PM
Pig sick of putting my families life back on track
Rjnoxs - 24-Sep-17 @ 2:22 AM
I have been with my partner 12 years.He has drank most of these. The last 3 years have been the worst with him being drunk 6 out of 7 nights. We have children (7 years,3 years and 7 months) and I have always been a stay at home mum. Recently I got a part time job working evenings. I obviously explained it to him to not get drunk while he is looking after the children alone. He can't manage tI do this. He always told me he drank because he was worried about his mum and that our mutual friend died. Last July our 11 month son just suddenly died. Being pregnant at the time I was really struggling but partner was no support or help to me what so ever him being drunk was and still is his way of coping. I am at a loss as to what to do. I can't put up with much more but don't want to fail him! He clearly needs help but won't get any (he doesn't need any help) but I am only human and can't be left to do everything for everyone.
k - 23-Sep-17 @ 7:31 AM
Im struggling. My husband was in hospital with enlarged spleen and kidneys and liver not working properly because he was drinking every night. The hospital told him not to ddink again he promised me he wasnt n he hadnt got a drink problem. I caught him lying 2 months ago and he had sneaked drinks a few times i noticed cos he started going yellow again. No smell etc as he hid it well. He has taken money out of my purse to get it too and lied to me about what he has needed money for. Again promising he would never do it again because of me and the 4 kids we have. Then 2 nights ago he went fishing i had a gut feeling i went to where he was fishing and caught him again with cider. He tried justify it and i walked away from him. He knew i wud be kicking him out and so he rang his mum and said he was scared because he feels like he needs it but doesnt want it cos he wants me n the kids. His mum rang me n begged me to go back to him and check he hadnt done nothing to himself. As i walked down the land to the fishing pond he was driving up he was a wreck and driving erratic he nearly ran me over i had to jump out of the way. He stopped the car n i grabbed his keys. He has cut his throat 8 times and it was bleeding and he had cut all his legs. His eyes were bloodshot from crying too. I looked at him and pitied him but also i was scared for him. He admitted right then that he is an alcoholic. He asked me to help him. I told him we will take it 1 day at a time. I got him in doctors the next day and he asked for help. The doctors have told him he needs to change his anti depressants and come off them 10mg a week so in a few weeks time they can start the new ones. They have arranged for One Recovery to have a meetings with him on tuesday morning and he has also been referred to a counselling team. The doctor said there has got be an underlying problem for why he needs the alcohol. He has been put on diazapan for 2 weeks aswell to calm his nerves as he was shaking all the time. So i think we have his recovery on a good path. The problem is i love him to pieces but i dont know if i can forgive him?! For the lies for nearly running me over for driving the way he did for doing what he did to himself. I dont know if i can feel safe around him in the way he always made me feel like i was being looked after and that he was my safety blanket. I feel safe in the way that i know he would never hurt anyone at all but the comfort i used to feel doesnt feel like its there. I dont know if ive made sense on here or if im jus ramblin i just feel like i cant really tell anyone how im feeling is that jus selfish? I feel an emotional wreck but hiding it from the kids and my husband. I had a brilliant happy life at home with the hubby n kids n now its like im just plodding along keeping the kids happy n tryin get him help.
Kfree - 12-Aug-17 @ 2:39 PM
I have been with my husband for 16 years - his 3rd marriage and my 2nd . He is 20 yrs older than me. We both have children from past relationships and one child together aged 9. I am 47 he is 67. Whilst he is still working, he will inevitably retire in the next couple of years and I am petrified that when he does he will constantly drink. I work full time and will continue to do so. My husband will admit he is drink dependent especially when stressed . Maybe I am being to harsh on him as I pressure him not to drink- hence he hides it or drinks when j am not aroundHe has been to A A but believes it is not for himHe has periods where he gives up alcohol for the sake of our marriage but slips back into old habits and so I have trust issues with him and he lies to me.We are going around in circles and at this precise moment I can't see a future for us as much as I love him and know he loves me and his child. I can't stand the secretive behaviour and am worried that he maydrink drivr with my child in the car. When he drinks his speech is slurred, he talks rubbish, gets irritable quickly and usually falls asleep eventually. It's not that he drinks a lot, it just affects his personality quickly. On a bad day( as far as I am aware )he can drink 3 bottles of wine and a few beers but not everyday. Is he an Alcaholic??? Or is it just my paranoia . Either way I am unhappy and it is affecting my mental state .I don't want to look for bottles to see if he is drinking anymore. Please help.
JA - 11-May-17 @ 2:32 PM
Dee - Your Question:
I'm not alone even through I feel so lonely, iv been told I'm selfish as I shouldn't feel lonely as I have two toddlers. That is the voice/opinion of a alcoholic. I have got to the point I want out, as after 14 years I have come to realisation that he he won't change and I'm choosing not to have that life for myself and children. The abuse the anger the damage to the house. I'm actually off of work with a broken foot which is a God send as I often come home from work and his I'm a drink induced stateFalling asleep at the dinner table that's when he can be bothered to eat together as a family he is a functioning alcoholic he gets up works hard but drinks from the moment he leaves work waiting for a train he then visits the pub before Coming home and continues drinking. It's so frustrating as his memory is shocking where do I go from here??

Our Response:
We can't really give advice individually unfortunately. Until your partner acknowledges that he is alcoholic, it's unlikely that he will begin taking any steps towards recovery. If you can't take any more and do want to get out of this situation, maybe you should seek advice on how to go about leaving. It may be the trigger that will prompt your partner to acknowledge he has a real problem. Or it may simply mean you can start a new life without the torment of having to go through this every day. Try Citizens' Advice for some local resources, support groups etc.
AlcoholIssues - 15-Mar-17 @ 11:15 AM
I'm not alone even through I feel so lonely, iv been told I'm selfish as I shouldn't feel lonely as I have two toddlers. That is the voice/opinion of a alcoholic. I have got to the point I want out,as after 14 years I have come to realisation that he he won't change and I'm choosing not to have that life for myself and children. The abuse the anger the damage to the house. I'm actually off of work with a broken foot which is a God send as I often come home from work and his I'm a drink induced state Falling asleep at the dinner table that's when he can be bothered to eat together as a family he is a functioning alcoholic he gets up works hard but drinks from the moment he leaves work waiting for a train he then visits the pub before Coming home and continues drinking. It's so frustrating as his memory is shocking where do I go from here??
Dee - 13-Mar-17 @ 9:14 AM
Hi, Wow!! Had no idea so many people out there having the same issues as me. My partner has been a alcho pop for 15yrs, an no signs of slowing down. Just had the police out as i cought her pouring an "unknown substance" into my coffee. She's abusive, a total troll, as vampires feed off blood these sick *****, feed off booze! No difference in my book. I feel for all of you, i know an understand your pain, we suffer in silence. Wishing those who posted an future posts all the best. You're not alone. Bless. Harley Bloo. X
Harley Bloo. - 14-Nov-16 @ 1:19 AM
I have been with my partner over a year now we live together didn't realise he had a drink problem at first but now when he is off work it is a litre btle of vodka a day he has been to docs and got help with the withdrawal symptoms he was doing great then went back to drinking he is so awful and hurtful the things he calls me I can't repeat he throws things around he says he would never hurt me on purpose and he loves me I don't understand if someone loves you why they would hurt you so much a couple of days ago was the worst up to date he actually shot me with an air gun no permanent damage just a mark where it hit I love him so much but I don't know how much more I can take I am so down I really don't want to leave as he would have no one
Millie - 21-Jul-16 @ 1:20 PM
My husband is a functioning alcoholic. His liver disease is at stage 5 and now his kidneys are failing. He won't discuss it. I feel so down right now. I miss my marriage and husband. He is showing signs of alcohol dementia. I feel alone
Kay McAndrew - 9-Jul-16 @ 5:29 PM
My partner is an alcoholic, she doesn't drink every day but when she does binge she can't stop and the pull of alcohol is so irresistible no matter how out of control she gets and how dangerous. She is awful to me when she drinks, she steals drinks, starts arguments that could easily turn into fights if she weren't so small, pisses herself, goes missing and has in the past taken drugs too. She has tried to quit drinking, and because she's not an every-day alcoholic it can look like its working, but then she drinks again and it starts all over again. She's been invited out for a work night out next weekend and I know she'll drink at it, her work friends are not supportive, they encourage drinking, so she has nobody but me asking her not to do it. She hates herself so much that alcohol has this pull over her but once she starts she can't stop. She wants me to have faith in her but she's said the same words so many times that I just can't trust, theres not enough evidence to make me believe her and I'm tired of being disappointed. What do I do? She's blaming me now for her potentially drinking next week as I dont believe she wont, and in my head that sounds like she's already excused herself and has shifted the blame on to me. I just wanted to be honest and I don't ever feel like I can be because she gets angry and defensive and blames me :( why is she choosing drinking next week over me again? I feel like I can see this horrible disaster that just about to happen to my partner of 8 years and I just cant see how to stop it. I know she'll hate herself the morning after and I don't want her to have to go through that. :(
Pea - 26-Jun-16 @ 2:01 PM
Hi, my partner of 22 years retired last Autumn. He us 19 years older than me. He had no retirement plan despite friends and family advising him to start a hobby. Since retiring he has high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression. He drank heavily before he retired and was suspended from work the year before he retired for being over the legal limit (he had bloods taken to confirm this). He went back to work after 2 weeks with no support in place and he never asked for any, thankful it was all brushed under the carpet. He lost his licence 10 years ago for drink driving. He still drinks and drives. I still work and come home at various times of the day to find him drunk. He has agreed to using a breathalyser test which we bought but that just confirms what I can see. He is usually asleep and not violent but can be nasty. He still doesn't have any hobbies - except drinking. He hides the whiskey, And despite searching I can't always find it. I am not sure how to carry on like this as I don't want to come home from work every day wondering if he will be sober. I know I can't change him and that he needs to accept he has an alcohol problem (which he denies). Therefore I need to have a way to cope with the situation if I am to stay. I stay because I still love him. Any suggestions? Thanks
Andie - 23-May-16 @ 3:29 PM
Hi I found the boyfriend e hooked up again cuz see each other n boom we were still In love, 8 weeks in he dependant on drink 10 to 12 cans strong bow k cider a day he thinks it's ok n stay in relationship with my son aswell I get it a diction I understand I detoxes him 3 can da day wow how good,he then boom bk up again I don't no how to deal with pain heartache I've lost one I love to drink he never choose us at all how do I deal with its move on? I allways attract alcoholics dunno y or how
Me - 4-May-16 @ 10:37 PM
T - Your Question:
My partner is an achoholic and as much as I try n support him I'm still finding it hard.Whe he drinks he is nothing short of evil, he is hurtful in what he says.I hav 2 collect n drop off my step children as he tries 2 drive drunk in the car with them, he seems to always choose drink ova us! I try to make excuses to the kids 4 him but I know they know I'm lying.I feel like people feel sorry 4 me. N wonder why I stay, but I love him and wen he is sober he is the most fantastic man you could ever meet.I feel alone as his family seem 2 blame me but I drink socially after work or at a function but I never get 'wasted'. He has been using alcohol and drugs for 15years before he met me but hid it well now I have made him see how damaging it is they want 2 blame me.MY friends have been amazing but I feel if his family don't support me we will never get anywhere. Its like they facilitate or validate his behaviour 4 an easy life.How do you stick to the right way when all you get is barriers? How do you not give in and walk away for your own sanity?I am struggling to know wat 2 do.any comments would help.good or bad.

Our Response:
Hopefully someone with similar experience can respond to you. One thing is certain, you cannot carry on as you are. You partner needs to get to the stage where he admits he has a problem...enough of a problem to seek help in overcoming it. While you do not want to walk away, the threat of doing so, with the offer to support your partner if he agrees to seek help might be the only way forward.
AlcoholIssues - 21-Sep-15 @ 12:06 PM
My partner is an achoholic and as much as I try n support him I'm still finding it hard. Whehe drinks he is nothing short of evil, he is hurtful in what he says. I hav 2 collect n drop off my step children as he tries 2 drive drunk in the car with them, he seems to always choose drink ova us! I try to make excuses to the kids 4 him but i know they know I'm lying. I feel like people feel sorry 4 me. N wonder why I stay, but I love him and wen he is sober he is the most fantastic man you could ever meet. I feel alone as his family seem 2 blame me but I drink socially after work or at a function but I never get 'wasted'. He has been using alcohol and drugs for 15years before he met me but hid it well now I have made him see how damaging it is they want 2 blame me. MY friends have been amazing but i feel if his family don't support me we will never get anywhere. Its like they facilitate or validate his behaviour 4 an easy life. How do you stick to the right way when all you get is barriers? How do you not give in and walk away for your own sanity? I am struggling to know wat 2 do.....any comments would help....good or bad....
T - 20-Sep-15 @ 3:04 AM
My 29 year old son is an alcoholic and is currently drink at least 6 litres of strong cider a day.He separated from his wife last December and has been suicidal along with being addicted to benzos, legal highs off the internet.He is currently living with me and my other teenage son in our 2 bed flat and only goes out to go to the shop at 9am every day. He has been given really bad liver function results but will not engage with his GP, psychiatric teams or hospitals.I'm working full-time paying all the rent and bills and he uses his sickness benefit money to maintain his habits.I'm becoming depressed myself and don't know where to turn.
smiths14 - 8-Sep-15 @ 5:49 PM
pjg - Your Question:
I have been marries over 50 Year and my husband's drinking has always been bad but over the last 20+years or so it had got worse. Our grown up children have never known anything different but hold their anger because of me Most days I spend in closed bedroom to get away from him and his drunken abuse. Can Can't leave as aged 72and have nowhere to go. sometimes I wish I were dead.

Our Response:
Please try and get some help from one of the organisations listed above. You cannot let this destroy your own life, if you want to leave, you will be able to get the necessary support and should be entitled to half of your joint property and any other assets.
AlcoholIssues - 7-Sep-15 @ 12:16 PM
I have been marries over 50Year and my husband's drinking has always been bad but overthe last 20+years or so it had got worse.Our grown up children have never known anything different but hold their anger because of me Most days I spend in closed bedroom to get away from him and his drunken abuse.Can Can't leave as aged 72and have nowhere to go. sometimes I wish I were dead.
pjg - 6-Sep-15 @ 2:49 PM
Opal - Your Question:
My partner is an alcoholic and a drug abuser he was before I met him he is getting worse as the days go by he gets up and go out comes back at midnight drunk very abusive and agressive in the mornings he cant remember nothing he said to me and the same every day he cant hold down a job I kicked him out of my house hes gone to stay with his sister I love him very much this been going on for 10 years !!! What is your advice ?

Our Response:
Sometimes until a person admits they have a problem, they cannot seek appropriate help to try and resolve it. Once your partner realises that you are serious, it may be the kick for him to seek help. What do our other readers think? Please post your comments here.
AlcoholIssues - 28-Aug-15 @ 2:21 PM
My partner is an alcoholic and a drug abuser he was before i met him he is getting worse as the days go by he gets up and go out comes back at midnight drunk very abusive and agressive in the mornings he cant remember nothing he said to me and the same every day he cant hold down a job i kicked him out of my house hes gone to stay with his sister i love him very much this been going on for 10 years !!!What is your advice ?
Opal - 28-Aug-15 @ 7:32 AM
I have been with my partner for 22 years he has never stopped drinking, He has retired and he just drinks and sleeps all day he also has had prostate cancer and has bleeding from the rectum, 2 years ago his ex-wife came to visit and I tried to help them both as she is suffering from dementia, she also drank. I thought that they could for the sake of their children one lives down the road with his wife and daughter. My partner has a family around but his son is fed up with his parents. When they went to spain last year as a family (they are spanish) my partner got into a drunken state and let his neice rob him as usual he upset all the locals and I was worried sick about him for ten weeks . A neighbour gave him food and pocket money, and he returned looking really healthy. Then his ex-wife came back and their mad behaviour started all over again. Now his wife is in a care home and he is very distressed, I dont have a relationship with him anymore but have a carer for him and his ex-wife I just cant cope anymore. I have support workers around me but they say that he must decide to stop drinking and that it is his human right to carry on drinking. My health is bas I am anxious and very depressed
mummy - 11-Dec-14 @ 7:23 PM
My husband has always been a drinker but only since we have moved to a flat from a house have I seen the true extent of his problem. He drinks 8-10 cans from when he walks home from the train till he passes out on the sofa. Then he wakes in the small hours to finish anything that is left. He is always drunk at home and it doesn't seem to bother him that this is all in front of our 6 year old son. I'm desperately trying to keep our outgoings in check but he just spends without a care, getting aggressive if I try to talk aboutit. We are in so much debt noanI am deeply depressed. I haveasked him to leave byhe says he will not support me. I work but wouldnever bable to cope on my wage alone. Plus I do still love him and hope one day he will bback to his old self. I'm so worried hothisis effecting ourson. I like a drink but in the last year I havegot a better relationship with drink and usually limit drinking to social situations. This has also made me look at my husbandin a new way. I feel I have to waitfor him to see the light but I don't think I can wait much longer.
hopeful - 3-Dec-13 @ 9:35 PM
My husband is a alcoholic & has been for years. He suffered a heart attack in 2004. He has always drunk, but I didn't know how bad it was as l was living abroad. It's only when I came back to England to marry him. I knew my husband for over 20 years. We met up again as I was on holiday here. When he had his heart attack he was visiting me, but 3 days after he was hospitalised. He used to be such a fit & healthy man, but the years & his problems had taken over. We are married now 8 years. He does say that he has a alcohol problem. In the years gone by things were & still are getting worse. He's been to rehab once, but that place was not suitable for him, infact the place was not suitable for any one, people were bringing drugs & alcohol. He also realised himself that it was not for him. This year has been a disaster, we were both ill after a holiday, then l lost my job, more or less, I was bullied out. I struggle myself with day to day things due to illness. Anyway, my husband ended going to hospital, he looked as if he was die. His chances were not good. He left the hospital after 8 days, then he did try to stop but it did not work at all. He is really upset about this himself. I think that what made it worse was the fact that we have no money coming in. My wage is gone. I am struggling to pay all are bills. I try not to say anything because it will only make things worse. My husband has now Decompensated liver cirrohis disease with water retention & they have told him that if he does not stop he will die threw a long & horrifying & painful death. Oh he has alcohol hep. I love my huband & l will never leave him. We have had times were he has assaulted me, and really bad, he would shout nasty things. I would go to work crying and I took my time in going home, I was always frightened to come home, l cried in my sleep, still do, but that's because l don't want to have my husband dead next to me. This is my story.
Hamburg - 15-Nov-13 @ 12:53 PM
In my last post I said the longest I've seen him go without booze is 5-6days- I mean in the 3yrs we've been together its the longest period he's been sober. When he doesn't drink he does NOT get the shakes but has REALLY bad moods / mood swings, restless legs , insomnia.. His face has broken capillaries and he 'looks' like a drinker yet judges and comments on 'drug' users and how they look. I find this VERY hypocritical ... Think I'm going way off subject now and ranting instead ! Sorry guys
Lostgal - 4-Sep-13 @ 5:22 PM
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