Support for Family and Friends of Alcoholics

When there is alcohol abuse in the family home it affects everyone, not just the drinker. It’s often said that alcoholism is a family disease and this is a good way of looking at it. When everything is OK, and the alcoholic is not drinking, the house is calm, happy. But when alcohol rears its head, everyone is affected.

Anyone who has had to help a drunken mate home from a pub or had a stupid argument with a partner when drunk should try to imagine what it would be like to do either or both of those things on a daily basis, and worse. Because that’s what it can be like living with alcoholism. And children are affected badly – they find it hard to understand why mum or dad behaves like this, and will often be very unhappy and confused.

Family often blame themselves for the problem too, imagining that if they did things differently things would change but it’s only the alcoholic who can make that choice to give up.

Giving Up

Once the alcoholic has made that choice – and it is a hard one – then the support of family and friends is important. But the alcoholic will receive support from many different directions.

What is important at this stage is to realise that it’s not just the alcoholic that needs help and support. The family and loved ones around that person may well be exhausted, and emotionally or even physically damaged. Just because the alcoholic has made that decision, it doesn’t mean that all the problems have disappeared.

Support Groups

For the alcohol abuser there is the AA of course, Alcoholics Anonymous. And for partners, family and friends there is also Al Anon. Al Anon is an impartial and non-religious support network for those who are close to alcoholics. Whatever stage the drinker is at, whether they have given up or still drinking, the group offers support and understanding for those who are in the supporting role.

Groups meet regularly and information on your nearest group can be found online or in the Yellow Pages. They are usually held weekly.

There is strength in solidarity and understanding, and Al Anon members share a common problem. Very often when home life is turbulent, the only people who can understand how destructive that is, are people who are going through the same or similar experiences. Sharing those experiences, and sharing coping mechanisms can really help the family and friends of those around the alcoholic.

Alateen

If you’re a teenager, even a teenager with a fairly normal home life, you can often feel like you’re from a different planet to everyone around you. So feeling like that and having to deal with the disruption caused by alcohol abuse in the home can be doubly hard. Who can you talk to? Who will understand?

Alateen is a group especially for younger members of the family with friends or relatives who are alcoholics. Just like Al Anon, groups meet to give each other support. The difference is of course that those meeting at Alateen all understand each other’s language a bit better.

Therapy During Rehab

Rehabilitation is a big part of the path for the recovering alcohol abuser, and therapy can often involve family too. Family or relationship counselling and therapy can offer a chance for everyone to express their feelings, maybe to go though feelings of anger and unhappiness together, and learn to build a future together based on understanding rather than resentment. Whether rehab is residential or not, family therapies are available and are highly recommended. If in doubt, ask your GP initially who will be able to recommend or guide you.

Support for Children

If your mum or dad is an alcoholic and life at home is turbulent, you might often feel that you are helpless, or powerless to change anything.

It’s true to say that you cannot make the person give up drinking, although it is tempting to try and plead or persuade them. But there are steps you can take to make life a bit easier

Tell someone about it – whether it’s another close family member such as an aunt or uncle, or a teacher you connect with, or even a friend’s parent. Apart from having someone to talk to about it, you may also find they can offer you a place to stay if things are bad. Whatever the outcome, it’s good to have another adult to relate to.

And try to involve yourself in your own life, giving yourself plenty to do. Join clubs, develop hobbies – having outside interests not only keeps you out of the house a bit, but will give you something else to focus on.

For children also there are phone lines that you can call, such as National Association for Children of Alcoholics (www.NACOA.org.uk) which has a freephone helpline 0800 358 3456. Many of the callers to this line are as young as six, so anyone can call. If you know a child who could use this kind of support, do pass on the number.